Dating Notes

People often ask is dating biblical.

In the bible there isn't a book on dating.

How do we talk about a topic that isn't in the bible? We bring it back to biblical principals. Just like is our serving biblical? Are we studying biblically? Do we communicate with our parents biblically? Or drive biblically?

In the same way is your dating biblical?

Matthew 19:4-6 NLT

"Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.'" And he said, "'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together."

"Dating defined: Process of proving you are trust worthy." - Nikki Dent

House analogy, lets build a house.

What does building a house start with? Foundations!

Creating a healthy biblical foundation to any friendship.

We do this when we are single... You can't have a house built and then work on the foundations.

Same as dating. You can't expect to build foundations whilst your in a relationship.

You develop your trustworthiness in your quiet time.

Ingredients of Healthy Foundations.

God Connection:

God created everything (Genesis 1). Connecting to the source of life is important because if we don't connect with God we will try and suck the life out of someone else.

Example - 2 people Chased by a bull.

Where their is a deep need their is desperation, not far away is exploitation.

When you put a human in the role of God exploitation happens. That's how people get used and abused. There is this higher level of expectation to fill the other person. However both people need to be filled by Jesus to flourish.

Your friend isn't your saviour the only saviour is Jesus! This brings healthy foundation for your relationships.

How do you experience Christ? Is your relationship with Jesus determined by your relationships or are your relationships determined by your relationship with Jesus?

 

Personal Value:

Once you discover what you value you can protect it.

God tells us to value our heart above all else

Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

How do you guard something? You place boundaries up.

The purpose of boundaries aren't to restrict they are to protect.

Anything that has value to us we place boundaries and protection around.

Example House

People get robbed in relationships because they allow anyone in the front door. They don't have a lock on the door to their house. Anyone can walk in. People that don't respect or value you, selfish people.

When we don't have good boundaries it gives selfish people easy access

 

You need to predetermine what you value and how you are going to protect that that you value, Because when you enter a relationship you will more than likely compromise on those values if no protection/ boundaries are put in place..

"Compromise = settling for something that you don't believe in because your unwilling or not strong enough to fight for what you believe in." - Nikki Dent

Your season of singleness is time to strengthen your boundaries to protect yourself!

 

When we don't have protection and boundaries in place it produces hard hearts and this wasn't designed by God.

Matthew 19:8

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended."

We need to guard our hearts so they don't get hurt and become hard.

What Jesus is saying is that divorce comes from either 1 or 2 hard hearts.

God's design was that our hearts stayed soft because we guarded them.

 

Boundaries communicate value.

The higher value the more boundaries (protection) required. Above all else guard your heart.

People who don't have boundaries don't believe they are worthy. However, if you have breath in your lungs you were made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). If you value yourself you put more boundaries in place.

 

Friendship:

Whilst you're determining what you value you can work on the 3rd healthy foundation

Be a great friend

You want to marry your friend. If you can't be a good friend now, you will be a lazy spouse later.

Learn to be a sacrificial friend now.

You want to marry the person who has proven they are trustworthy.

Want to protect yourself from being hurt? Keep it light hearted and fun until trust is built.

Focalism - Love is blind...

Social groups free us from the pressure of a romantically charged atmosphere.

Dating: Proving you are trust worthy

You don't want a person who isn't ready to lay their life down for you!

You can't have their heart until you are ready to give up everything to protect their treasure.

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